What He Won't Say
by LIFE the RANGER
Summary: James is picked on at school when he opens up about being gay. He has no friends. Until he meets new student Kendall, who's also gay. He says the things others say don't bother him, but inside, he's silently suffering. Will he ever be truthful with James? Kames. Rating may change as story continues


Hi peoples! This is my third BTR fanfic, so I hope you enjoy it. I hope I can update this often but that might not happen with school and babysitting and stuff…well you all know how life is! So enjoy.

…

James kept his head down as he walked quickly to his next class. He felt his classmates' taunting eyes on him, making heat flare on his cheeks and ears. He slipped into the classroom and took his seat. He didn't look at the teacher. She hated him too. He stared at his hands that he was nervously wringing on his desk, trying not to throw up. School had steadily gotten worse over the last couple of weeks. Students, especially high school students, had no regard to other people's feelings.

James was a junior that year, which goes without saying is hard enough as it is. But since he finally came out of the closet (which felt like a huge relief at the time), he found it had become the biggest mistake he'd ever made. He didn't realize the scorn that people felt for homosexuals. His little community was not warm and welcoming like he expected. It was downright vicious. They mocked him so much his was boarding on the edge of a mental (and emotional) breakdown.

A hand came out of nowhere and smacked him in the back of the head. He wasn't expecting it so he ended up falling out of his chair. He felt tears pricking his eyes, but he was determined not to let the other kids see him cry. It would only bring on more torment. He got up and, without saying a word, slid back into his seat. The teacher had turned a blind eye to the whole thing, writing the lesson on the board rather than watching her misbehaving class. A blonde boy James didn't know slipped into the desk next to his just as the tardy bell rang.

"Man that was close," the blonde said. James did a one-eighty, looking confused. "Yes pretty boy I'm talking to you," the blonde continued with a laugh. James pointed at himself, still not quite believing someone was actually talking to him. "Do you see anyone else around you pretty boy?" the blonde questioned. The brunette had to admit the desks next to his were usually vacant, so he couldn't be talking to anyone else.

"That your new boyfriend dyke?" someone from the other side of the room called out, causing the glass to erupt in laughter. James' cheeks turned a violent shade of red and looked away from the blonde, who, admittedly, was kind of cute.

"Get a room faggot," someone else called, causing more laughter. James felt the tears again, and this time one escaped and rolled down his cheek. The person who made the last comment noticed. "Man-whore's gonna cry," he taunted. James looked at the teacher, hoping maybe for a day she would notice his problems. But she was still absorbed in the lesson, tuning her rambunctious class out. James looked at his hands again.

"What jerks," the blonde huffed from beside him. The brunette had almost forgotten he was there. "Are they always like that?" James couldn't trust himself to talk, so he simply nodded. "I'm Kendall, by the way. Kendall Knight." The blonde offered his hand, and the brunette looked at it. "Go on, take it," he said with a smirk. James finally clasped his hand in Kendall's.

"I'm James," he said softly. Kendall waited for a few minutes. James watched him curiously. "What?" he finally asked, unable to help himself.

"Do you have a last name, James? Or is your name James no-name?" James blushed again, feeling silly, but oddly pleased, about this conversation.

"James Diamond," he replied. The blonde boy smiled and reclaimed his hand. James hadn't even realized he was still holding it. But his hand felt unbelievably soft. He wondered if the blonde used lotion… _Whoa boy_ he thought to himself. _Slow your roll. Even if he's interested in being your friend, that doesn't mean he wants anything more._

"So James," Kendall began. "What class do you have next?" The brunette momentarily forgot the question and instead the blonde was rewarded with a blank look. He laughed out loud and shook his head. "I have college level math next," he prompted gently. The brunette shook the fog out of his brain and went over his schedule. His heart sped up when he saw that they had the same class.

"Me too," he said, trying not to let the excitement bubble on his voice. The blonde smiled.

"Great," he said. "The first decent person I've found is in half my classes. That's awesome. People here are huge jerks." James nodded to himself. He had to admit people here weren't the friendliest when it came to people being different. He swept his hand passed his face.

_Exhibit A_ he thought with a low chuckle. Kendall gave him a weird look and James went into panic mood. Then the blonde laughed so he settled back down.

"I like you James," he said, leaning back in his seat. "Why are people so cruel to you?" James' heart seized in his chest. He really didn't want to explain the reasons behind his torment. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, the teacher stepped in between them.

"James!" she snapped. "Do not associate with the new kid." James shrank back. "Come along Kendall," she said briskly, hauling him to his feet. "Avoid James as much as you can. There's a reason he's over here by himself." She started to lead him away, but he twisted out of her grasp and stood next to James' desk, defiant.

"And what reason is that?" he asked. The teacher gave him a strange look.

"He's gay," she said simply. It was Kendall's turn to give her a strange look.

"That's all?" he asked in astonishment. "That's not so bad?" Every head in the room swiveled to look at the new kid. Several students' mouths hung open. Kendall gazed evenly at everyone. "There's nothing wrong with homosexuals," he practically growled. "I should know, since I'm gay too." The teacher recoiled like he was boiling acid.

"In that case you dykes deserve each other," she hissed, whirling around and marching to the front of the room. James shrank back even farther when he heard the word dyke escape his teacher's lips. Kendall glared at her back as he sat back down in his seat.

"People in California are more open to people like me," he whispered to James gazed wistfully at him. _If only_ he thought. _If only people here were open to the idea. But they're not. You just opened up a whole new world of hurt._ "I don't care what people think here," Kendall continued. "Why do I need their approval to be who I am? I'm out and I'm proud!" He swung his legs up onto the seat next to his and sat sideways the whole class.

…

Kendall hated his new school. Despite his conversation with the incredibly cute James Diamond, he hadn't had much of a good day. Once the students found out about his sexual preferences, it had been open fire. And while he told James it didn't bother him, inside it did, a great deal. He breathed a sigh of relief once the final bell sounded, signaling the end of the school day. It couldn't have dragged on more. He was glad once he was able to escape the hellhole they called Sherwood High School.

"Hi sweetie," his mom said when he climbed into the car. "How was school? Did you make any new friends? Any of the boys cute?" He covered his ears and sank down in the passenger seat.

"Alright," he snapped. "People here hate me. This community does not play nice when it comes to homosexuals." Mama Knight gave him a sympathetic look. She had expected as much when they uprooted and moved to Minnesota. She reached out and ruffled his hair. He let her do it. It was one of the small comforts she had left.

"So you didn't make any new friends?" He thought back to the only genuine conversation he'd had all day, in Eastern civilizations with James Diamond. He looked at his mom.

"One, I think," he said slowly. His mom smiled at him and made a motion for him to continue. "James. I met him in my first hour class. And before you ask he is cute," he added quickly when his mom opened her mouth to speak. "He's tall; just a little taller than me. He has dark, dark brown hair and brown eyes that could make you melt. He's terrified of the students and teachers because of what they say." Mama Knight frowned. "They call him names, dyke, faggot, man-whore, you name it." He felt rage bubbling in his stomach as he relayed the names he'd heard James (and himself) called that day. He also felt a huge amount of sadness and homesickness. He missed his home in California, and the community where he was accepted by his peers.

"Things will look up soon sweetie," his mom said as she pulled away. Kendall gazed out the window, not sure what he was looking for. He spotted James getting into a beaten truck in the student parking lot. He waved as they drove by, but James must not have seen him. Either that or he chose not to wave back. But Kendall was certain he saw their eyes meet.

…

James wondered why Kendall waved at him later that night in his room, while he was bent over his college level math homework. It only dawned on him that the blonde had waved after he was long gone. He pondered it so much instead of writing the correct answer on his paper he doodled the blonde's name in the corner. He erased it quickly. It wasn't like at home he didn't get support for who he was. He did, but it came few and far between. His mom was always away on business. And since she was his only parent, he never saw his parents. He was going to be home by himself for a few days, and the house felt lonely.

"I wonder what Kendall is up to," he said to himself. He gave up on finishing the homework, opting to finishing it in the morning. He set the book aside and flopped onto his bed. He grabbed the cold pizza he rescued from the fridge and took a bite. He chewed slowly, still pondering the blonde's motives. He didn't feel hungry after that so he set the slice aside. He placed his hands over his stomach and stared at his ceiling.

His phone buzzed, startling out of his daydream-like state. He checked the time. Almost ten. Who would be texting him this late at night. He looked at the phone, and an unfamiliar numbered stared back at him. He bit his lower lip as he read the text, eyes slowly growing bigger with every word.

_Hey James,_ he read. _Don't ask how I got your number. I had to dig around a bit. My sister is a genius by the way, that's how I got it. _James smiled. He welcomed the distraction from his thoughts.

_How you doing?_ he texted back. Enjoy _Sherwood so far?_ He waited anxiously for the reply. It took a few minutes. The brunette wondered if the blonde had put a lot of thought into the answer.

_Um sure_, the blonde replied. _The town itself is beautiful. It seems like a stereotypical Minnesota town. The people in Sherwood are another topic all together. _That was the end of the text. But James sensed he wanted to continue, so he didn't reply. Sure enough, another text arrived. _I hate it here. I miss California._ James felt himself panic a bit. Kendall was homesick. What if, in some weird twist of fate, they moved back? He looked at the phone for a second before typing his reply.

_You'll get used to it here_, he tried helpfully, though it felt anything but. Even he didn't truly believe his own lie. He wasn't used to the way the community treated him, and he'd probably never get used to it. But he wanted to try and make the blonde feel a little better about the whole situation.

_That's a lie_, Kendall texted back. _People here are so cruel. Words hurt more than you think. _James wanted to tell him he knew how it felt. He started to, but then the real meaning of the blonde's words sank in.

_I thought you were out and proud_, James teased gently. It was the exact words Kendall had told him that day Eastern civ.

_In California maybe_, the blonde replied after a few moments. _Here it's more like I'm out and publically humiliated_. James' heart went out to the blonde. The brunette knew exactly how he felt. When he first came out, people did everything they could to make his life the worst it could possibly be. They even announced it over the loudspeakers on main street, so later that day everyone in town knew. He felt humiliated, but over the weeks he'd learned to mostly tune them out.

_I feel for you_, he replied with as much heart as he could. _People here are messed up. Mom, when she's home, wants to sign me up for counseling. It's her own way of dealing with things. I mean, she supports me and all, but I think the idea that he son is gay is still a little much for her. _James was surprised. He'd never told anyone his mom wanted to sign him up for counseling. It was a private matter that he didn't want to discuss with other people. But for some reason he felt he could trust Kendall with the information. He felt the blonde wouldn't go around talking about how he needed help cause he was screwed in the head.

_Keep this number_, Kendall texted. James smiled and clicked save to contacts. He typed in Kendall's name, then added his last name for a personal touch. _I'm heading to bed. Night. _James stared at the phone for a minute then set it back on his nightstand. He was sad their conversation had to end so soon. He found he enjoyed the company of the California born blonde. He thought about what the blonde had said. _Words hurt more than you think. _James nodded to himself. He knew exactly how much words hurt. But then realization dawned on him. Kendall wasn't proud of who he was. He'd let the words of others affect his thinking. James sat up in bed. He hoped Kendall would be alright.

…

_A/N: So what did you all think? Read and review please!_


End file.
